A rare quiet night...

Hmmm, what a luxury tonight has been. Last night Chris experienced his first actual birthday party. He'd often told me that he has never had a party (of which I was skeptical - what child hasn't celebrated his birthday with friends??) But he was adamant that at no point in his childhood did his family ever plan a party for him. Lots of years we would plan to do something for his birthday only for him to renounce the plans weeks before, deciding instead to spend quiet time at home. He actually tried that again this year but how could I let a 30th birthday pass uncelebrated? A private karaoke room, some good friends and family and a Night of the Living Dead cake capped off the festivities. Such a fabulous time and nice to get out of the house without the babe.

Of course I picked a location close to home. My mom and dad were babysitting Jude but I wanted to make sure I could get home quickly if he lost it. I was surprised that he actually fell asleep for mom (she's the only one he's slept for other than me and Chris on the RARE occasion) and stayed out for nearly 2 hours! Alas, waking brought on the slow realization that you're Not My MOMMY! They held off calling me for about 20 minutes but eventually he was inconsolable. Pauvre bebe! By the time I made it home about 10 minutes later he was intermittedly screaming with rage and quietly sobbing. Sure enough, once I had him in my arms he let out one last indignant howl and settled down to nurse. Within minutes he was all smiles and chats, squealing up a storm. Clearly too much excitement to go back to sleep easily.

Wow it's so hard to force myself to leave the house when he gets so upset. I know I need to do it from time to time for myself as well as to get him used to spending time with others, but it's heartbreaking to hear him completely losing it due to missing mom! He'll take the bottle so it's not hunger but when he wants me he refuses everyone else. Anyhow, both he and Chris ended up having late nights last night. After a quiet day at home cuddling and watching movies, they both passed out by 8:30! Such a quiet night sitting up in my living room wearing hubby's sweater, snacking on leftover banana cake and milk and catching up on "me" time.

Before baby I really enjoyed my alone time. After living alone for years, it was hard enough to concede moving in with Chris and sacrificing my own space and time, having to consider the needs of someone else. I loved being at home with no one else around, traveling by myself to lose myself in back streets and small cafes with a book and a camera. My life with Jude is so fulfilling that I lose myself in goobery kisses and baby giggles daily and I wouldn't give it up for anything. But sometimes I remember that time alone and think that maybe, someday, I'll be able to spend these quiet nights doing something other than looking up eczema remedies and mothering info. Ha ha :)