one - self portrait +10

I agreed weeks ago to start this photo challenge and thought about it too many times. It began with 'today would be a good day to start' and I planned to take my self portrait shot infinite times always to abandon consciously, knowing once i started i was undertaking one more thing on my overfilled plate. I enjoy life like this, spilling out of the cracks but agonize also over the excess that pours away, that I can't attend to after I've said yes and that sits in my mind, knowing i can't do it, not procrastination though I've been good at that too when I don't want to do it. These are things and projects that I want to take on but when the list begins to swell i prioritize and they fall away.

So i knew taking that first shot meant each day i would expect of myself to meet the goal and would surely fail to. It's still a journey to allow myself to fail and to be ok with it. So

1) today i thought f*ck it and started anyhow
2) i am wearing our designated family sweater. it joined our family when Chris was heavier. i wore it while pregnant because it fit and was so cozy. when Jude was a baby I'd wrap him to me and cover us with the giant sweater. i can still wrap us both inside though he now wouldn't stand being so confined to mom but thinks it hilarious to come share the hood with me. a shared, family sweater that we all use :)
3) i haven't posted photos because i'm sure they don't reach the standards i've set for myself. which is ridiculous because i know i am learning, but i also know what i want to achieve and don't like to be disappointed in my results.
4) i had a difficult conversation with a friend that was needed to save a friendship from draining away. not fun times but so needed - i was glad to realize i'd grown and wasn't ok with letting things go unsaid and rot away a relationship
5) i miss riding the bus. i miss the time to sit and observe the world, the daily commute of life, the proximity to all different types of people that you miss in a car. i don't miss unheated bus shacks.
6) i am coming close to being back on the train and look forward to the familiar rhythm
7) i have to stop reading maclean's magazines because although i enjoy it, it leaves no time to read anything else. by the time i work through my backlog of magazines the next batch have arrived and it starts again, leaving months without reading a novel
8) watching the sun set late in the day (comparatively!) makes my heart smile bigger each day
9) i feel strongly that i need double the shoes that i currently own
10) this is a happy point of life for me and i couldn't be happier to share all this with my love