on our way

Montreal here we come... I'm mostly packed with the essentials (holy cow there are so many!) for me and the babe and now we wait for the train to come in tomorrow night and whisk us off onto adventure.

Thank goodness my dad is coming along for the trip. I really wanted company, not relishing the thought of traveling alone with baby, switching trains and handling luggage/stroller/baby by myself. Now we've decided not to bring a stroller at all since my cousin Diane has one for us in Montreal. That'll leave me stroller-less in Toronto for three days but when I considered trying to navigate the subway with a roller suitcase and a stroller I balked. We'll make do with a mei-tei wrap (thanks Mikki!) and a ring sling (thanks April!).

We've been really using our mom connections lately to avoid buying more stuff that'll only be used for a few months. Such a great way to share and consume less, as well as a money saver.

Anyhow, this'll be a short post. I still have things to pack and double check, have been dealing with lots of emotions around my return to work this past week and I seemed to be on edge with everything (and everyone. Sorry my loves). I need to relax and just enjoy these next few weeks without worry, stroll the streets and snack on delicious lebanese food and poutine, show off my perfect adorable child and breathe.

Wish me luck!

too much

These last few days I've been alternatively running around like crazy getting things done and laying horizontal staring depressingly around, no energy to complete the simplest task. Something like manic-depression but not as extreme and on a much quicker scale (think hours instead of days).

Three more days until we leave for Montreal. Apart from the gigantic to-do list involving everything from packing and organizing to soil ordering and taxes, I'm struggling to deal with my last month on maternity leave. Decided to finally calculate how many weeks I have left last night and then spent the evening in tears after realizing I have one week less than I thought.

I know, one week. It's not the end of the world, logically. And yet. It feels like such an abrupt ending to my time at home. I expected to return from Montreal and have three weeks left before returning to work and now I find out I only have two.

Now this means I'll have to start weaning while we're away because two weeks to cut out 4-5 feeds daily is not enough. But I'm mostly just upset that this year is over already and I have to work at all. I'm not ready, although I don't know when I'll ever be ready. Logically I know going back to VIA is the best thing and the way I'll get to spend the most time with my baby. But the heart doesn't work logically and traveling away from him goes against every part of my being.

I remember asking moms' who had gone back on the train how they did it and never receiving a clear answer. Last night I realized there is no way to do it. You just do. You force one foot in front of the other and keep moving.

I will be a wreck. The only question is for how long. Will it last one trip, two or perhaps all season? Last night I bawled into Chris' shoulder all night and today was hardly better, moping around stuffing my face with chocolate, candy and potato wedges. I hope I can distance myself from all this worry and actually enjoy the time I have left with my babe.

I'll leave you with some yummy strawberry eating shots :)

And my other love

Goof    :)