growing up

A recent realization I've had about myself is that I'm grown up... And not only that, but I also know who I am.

The moment things switched came and passed without notice. It may have been years ago but I wasn't exactly paying attention, rather living my life. I remember moving out initially when it felt like I was playing house, pretending to be grown up. Of course I would have never admitted that at the time. At 17 I was totally grown up and knew everything (doesn't every teenager?). It took years to build my home, first amassing stuff then purging with equal rigor. It took just as long to build myself...

I don't know if anybody really knows who they are during teenage and early 20s but I always felt drawn to others who had such a clear vision of themselves. I was more fluid, questioning aspects of my personality, trying to change and match what I thought I should be like. Feeling like I didn't quite fit in since I wasn't like anyone else I knew yet not realizing the beauty in just being me.

Lately I've realized I'm content. I know exactly who I am, my values and interests valid because they belong to me. Happy to admit when I don't know how to do something and asking to be taught. I still have a hard time disagreeing with others at times, even when I feel strongly in my opinion. Sometimes I find it difficult to explain why I feel a certain way so I prefer not to engage in a debate over my opinions, although my reasoning is usually quite sound I'm just unable to access it quickly enough.

There was a point I realized I'm not just playing house anymore. I am grown up, this is my life being lived every day. I could have never imagined it at age 12 or 16 or even 21. Yet here it is.

The hard work has paid off   :)