2 months and counting

The dreaded return to work is coming and I can't do anything to stop it... Two more months of long baby days, afternoon naps and weeks blending into months. I've absolutely loved (nearly) every moment of being home with baby and even though I've attempted to put off thinking of the eventual return to work, it's been in my mind every week since he was born.

So many preparations, so many unknowns... Childcare, nursing after my return, how will he react? I reached a turning point a couple months ago when I realized that with me going back to work (at VIA I'll be away a minimum of 3.5 days at a time) it will give Chris a chance to play a new, bigger role in Jude's life. I look forward to seeing their relationship change as he relies more on papa for day to day care. I just don't know what to expect as far as changes go in our relationship! Will Jude be happy to see me when I get back, will he be angry, upset and clingy or will he push me away? I just don't know!!!

The upside is that it'll only be five months before I'm laid off to spend all winter with my babe plus the long days in between trips. Dreaming of gardens and grass, summer playdates, camping and beaches...

A few months ago Jude started trying to sneak his fingers into his mouth while nursing. It was funny and annoying all at once as he broke suction and was continually relatching on. I would pull his thumb or fingers (yes, more than one) out of the side of his mouth chastising him for playing instead of eating. One time I let him play around for a bit and he actually figured out how to suck his thumb while still continuing to nurse! Now it's regular occurrence that I'll notice him chomping away at a thumb or finger while eating. What a funny dude.

Spent Monday walking around in the sunshine and ended up at the park. What a beautiful day! Jude crawled around in the leaves, grabbing branches and ferns, watching butterflies converge on our tree and bugs floating in the river, crawling intently towards two puppies who were already halfway across the park. Then we met the Aunty Mimi for more walks and Forks dining. All in all 5 hours out on foot! My poor tootsies are not used to all this walking and after a visit from the other Aunty (Leona), I laid up on the couch watching online tv.

Then we've had a busy week of baby groups and playdates. Today is the first day we have nothing planned - will see how the morning shapes up and may hit up the pool later on.

computers woes

I've been missing from computer-land since last Wednesday (five days? an eternity!!) after watching my computer slowly die in front of me. The trouble really started Tuesday when firefox suddenly shut down all screens. Then my computer couldn't follow any of the desktop links and it all started going downhill.

Thank GOD Celindy's boyfriend Jason is a computer god. She told me she would send him over the next day, not realizing it meant he'd be spending 12 hours over the next few days working diligently - and he's still not finished! For us who have no extra money to bring it in to get fixed and nowhere near the computer knowledge needed in order to rescue it, he's been an absolute godsend.

I definitely panicked, trying to frantically back up my newest pictures that were not saved anywhere else, and all my Jude videos (yes, i know. How many times I had looked at them thinking "i really should back these up" only to be distracted yet again and leave them helplessly spiralling into the black hole of my dying compute. Melodramatic? Not at all when it feels like your whole life is contained in this box that has been overtaken by a virus who now controls all functions.)

I did manage to burn discs of photographs but the video burning program would not allow me to do anything but watch (and hope) as Jason toiled hour after hour, fixing one problem only to find another issue.

The upside has been not having the timewaster on during the day. No checking facebook for no reason, no surfing in the evening to find that hours have passed. And really, I didn't miss anything. A few status updates and emails that didn't reach me but all in all I wasn't lacking in any knowledge of other people's goings-ons. If anything, it's taught me to stay away a little more. Of course I missed checking the weather. My bank balance. The regular things you do without thinking and later realize that although there surely is a way to do this over the phone, you don't even know where to call.

In other news - Jude is moving too fast to capture any new cute pictures! It was so much easier when he stayed in one spot but now the instant the camera comes out he starts reaching for it resulting in blurs and numerous shots of the top of his head. Sit still my bug! Enjoy this awesome picture I found online

the melt

Something about this time of year brings warring emotions to the surface. I notice it every spring -  I'm excited, actually beyond psyched, to get out and enjoy the sunshine and the melting snow but at the same time I start feeling sluggish, sometimes moody. I can't figure out what causes it but it seems to happen around this time every year.

Chris, me and the baby have all been passing around the same cold for the last couple weeks. Luckily we haven't felt its effects all at once but there is always one person in this household feeling under the weather. The last 5 NIGHTS have been brutal, with crying baby waking up every hour. Soon, soon I hope we will get back to normal and back to being night-weaned. Feeling sick wreaks havoc on your emotions too and I know Jude has been extra mom-attached lately. When Chris brought him over this morning he melted into my lap, draping his body into every nook of mine.

But all sickness aside, we've been enjoying the warm temperatures immensely! Out to the park, walks in the sunshine, wrapped onto my back - going out with only a sweater on is so exciting. I'm fully expecting another storm or two yet but I jumped the gun and put away all of our heavy winter clothing. It made my heart happy, so it was worth it :)

In other news, we all attended the initial court date for the man charged with hitting us. He has been charged with impaired driving and dangerous driving (for speeding at 140km/hr) causing injury. I wasn't sure what I would feel seeing him but I needed to be there and get a first hand impression of him. He's older than we thought, I'd guess 25-35 years, and showed up with his mom. Nothing happened in court other than he was instructed to speak with a lawyer before his next court appearance. I didn't feel like approaching to talk to him that day but I likely will in the future. That was enough emotional business for one day. 

Yesterday brought Jude out to Earls with my cousin Tanya and her hubby Colin. Lots of oohing and ahhing from the waitresses over my handsome little man. We've been hanging around in restaurants lots lately, craving pancakes but not wanting to actually cook any (that and our lack of syrup). He loves watching all the people eating around us. Much more exciting than our little nook I'm sure.

spring has sprung!

Had such a great day yesterday - I can hardly believe we are having plus 10  weather and it's only March! The snow drifts that were three feet high only last week have melted to a thin blanket, the sidewalks are clear for strollers and bicycles, rubber boots are a necessity to navigate huge puddles of melt. Loving it!

Despite having had a rough sleep Friday night (poor bug's tummy was bothering so much we were awake for hours at a time rocking and nursing), he awoke happy and full of energy around 9 am. We decided to go out for breakfast with papa and walked the two blocks to the restaurant in sweaters only!! Bug's appetite was back after not holding down solids all day Friday so we enjoyed our eggs and real hashbrowns. I hate fake, prepackaged hashbrowns with a passion and got to rejoice over real potato hash. What I really wanted was pancakes or waffles, but Pembina Village Restaurant doesn't serve them. Any ideas of a restaurant close by Confusion Corner that does? Next time we'll be hitting up Smitty's unless we find something better.

Came home to play for a bit until Kristy and her nephew Chayne stopped by. It was great to visit with another baby that's close to Jude's age - we had fun sitting outside at Second Cup feeding the babes, walking down to the park and playing on the swings (Jude loved it! I forsee lots of summer days pushing him in the swing) and walking along Wellington. Thank GOODNESS for rubber boots or I would have been walking around in drenched feet for all the lakes we went through.

Bug was asleep when we got back and rather than move him and risk waking, I left him outside to fetch knitting and water. Then I stayed on the porch while he napped in the fresh air. When he woke we played around outside and walked the yard, planning and dreaming of even warmer days. Lots of bunny droppings although I hadn't seen many this winter and our crabapple tree is finally dropping last year's apples, soft and decomposing. I hope they compost quickly into the soil and are covered by grass.

Chris wants to build us a picnic table. I hope he does since I've been wanting to buy one, it would be even better if he builds it. Figured it should be simple enough to get a pattern and wood, and he has enough tools in the basement to get it done. I'm sure he'll think of something else to buy but I think we've got most of what we need. I would love to have him also build a baby table seat out of wood, if possible, to slide onto the end. We'll see it that's possible...

 

 Quick Adjust table seat at Chicco

I have lots I want to do this summer and hope it's all possible and I have enough time between returning to work and spending time with baby. We shall see.

Today I'm listening to The Fugitives,  Mark Berube and the Patriotic Few and Flying Fox and the Hunter Gatherers. I was looking up the Fugitives on myspace since I wanted to listen to them but didn't feel like digging out my CD. I guess they have a new album out now, sans Mark Berube and C.R. Avery, and I don't really like it as much as their last. Who knows, maybe it'll grow on me more after a couple listens but doesn't catch me as much as Graffiti Sex or Greyhound or Microphone did. Loved their fusion of slam poetry, instruments and Mark's voice...

I think I'll go do a little more knitting while the boys are still sleeping.

ups and downs

Yesterday was an up day. So beautiful outside we couldn't wait to get out for a walk. Chris was off to work for noon so after morning nap and reading books, I decided we needed more books. Took off first to Movie Village to return a truly truly terrible movie: Terminator Salvation.

Yes, I date a nerd. He loves his toys and his nostalgia movies (Terminator, Transformers, etc...) and I indulge by watching them with him. And sometimes I actually enjoy them. But Terminator Salvation.... oh, there are not enough words to describe how awful this movie was. Setting aside the wooden dialogue and plodding storyline dotted by Scenes. Of. Incredible. Action! this movie still had HUGE holes. Such as continuity. Kyle Reese is in a cell with a T600 standing in the doorway and Suddenly Now he's in a room with the child that left the compound 30 minutes earlier running for his life. hmmmm, when did that happen? There were more but I'm trying to remove the movie from my memory to make room for better and more interesting things.

There is one thing this movie did well and that is helicopter crashes. The opening crash was so realistically filmed from a static point inside the helicopter with Christian Bale being tossed around, I felt it was actually happening. He's one actor who consistently gets battered in his roles and does a good job - although I think he could probably pick better movies to act in than this gong show.

my love :)

Anyway, enough ranting about that film. I still enjoyed cuddling on the couch and pointing out all the plot holes and stereotypes enforced by this film. And since this was his second time watching it, he wasn't so oblivious to it's shortcomings. I think I deserve to pick the next 4 movies we watch after that atrocity.

Back to the day. After dropping it off we headed down to Nerman's Books on Osborne. Sadly, there was only one board book in the entire basement with thousands of kids books. So I bought it. BUT I also found Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends"!! For 7$!! I was SOO excited since I've wanted his collection of children's poetry for ages but didn't want to shell out so much for the series. Now I've got one!

I'll share with you a poem:

Tree House

A tree house, a free house,

A secret you and me house,

A high up in the leafy branches

Cozy as can be house.

A street house, a neat house,

Be sure and wipe your feet house

Is not my kind of house at all-

Let's go live in a tree house.

And now for the downs.... this morning Jude was fighting his naps like it was the final battle of WWII, even though he was incredibly exhausted. Twice I tried leaving him for a few minutes (usually after a 5 minutes cry, the most we'll leave him alone, he's ready for cuddles and will settle down) to no avail. But now I feel like a terribly mommy because just as I was going back into the room I heard a crash and my baby was on the floor!!! It's not a high bed, just a boxspring and single mattress but my poor poor angel.... He's sleeping now and surely will have a bump on the head. After giving comforts and cradles I came out to cry myself in the living room. Sorry little bug!

Here's hoping the rest of the day gets better....

love crawling kisses

Well the transition has officially begun. My little bug started fully crawling during this past week! He had been getting up on hands and knees since early January and I kept thinking that crawling was just around the corner. Turns out slithering around backwards is easy compared to mastering the forward motion!!  But he diligently 'practiced' every day, moving a little more each day until I turned around a couple days ago and he'd moved halfway across the living room. 

And I mourned.... 

I needed to say goodbye to those sweet baby days since more and more, it was being proven to me that my little bug was becoming a toddler. I took a few days to be sad for the days gone by, remembering all his firsts and his amazing growth these last eight months. And then, Tuesday I turned the corner and was able to fully embrace his new freedom and toddlerhood. I awoke excited by his rolling and turning around in bed, his new interest in things he'd never noticed before (lotion bottle?? COOL! what's THAT mom?? I want it!!) and his incredible amount of love!

The best thing? Kisses and hugs!!!! I have been showered in baby kisses lately, so much so that I wondered whether it was possible to get too many kisses. He kisses me when I ask him, he crawls over to give Mommy kisses, he interrupts my conversations by coming up with a kiss! It's the sweetest thing in the world. The other day I was talking away, not realizing that Jude was trying to get my attention until he was standing in my lap planting a goobery smooch on me :) Best. Interruption. Ever!!

I realize that I need that time to mourn and say goodbye to what we're moving on from. I adored being pregnant, that amazing belly proudly sticking out, creating life and feeling great! Near the end of my pregnancy, I vividly remember setting aside the excitement of days to come to close the pregnancy chapter. I spent a week or so being sad about losing the belly, no longer feeling Plum somersaulting and doing the starfish inside me, knowing that that moment will never exist for me again. Once I had moved on mentally I was able to look forward and focus on the birth.

Each milestone has brought sadness for what we've left behind mixed with excitement over his new skill or sound. Squeals and grunts and laughter and giggles.... Lately he loves making noise on his inhales (try it by breathing in deeply while constricting your throat) and it's hilarious! I can hear him talking in the room when he wakes up from his nap or chatting to the curtains in the living room. 

A retrospective of the last nine months of me and my bug:

  

  

  

  

  

 

sickness and squirrels

So, we're sick. This entire past week I could feel myself fighting it off - so much more tired than usual, little energy, i felt as though I was dragging myself around all week. Took it easy and let Chris take over most of the household chores while I chugged tea and tried to keep it at bay. Alas, the threatening cold took over two nights ago with a sick baby who couldn't fall asleep and a wiped out mama trying to keep him happy.

We spent yesterday at home in pjs all day. Something strange about going to bed in the same outfit you wore the night before AND all day and are still not changing out of it. Jude at least got fresh pjs after bathtime but me... well, let's just say I probably didn't smell my freshest! It was a pretty miserable day for us - watched Sid the Science Kid on youtube while the olympics played out on tv, yelled at the squirrels and tried to keep bebe's mind off of being sick.

Oh, did I not mention the squirrels? They're back!!!! ARRRGGGG!!! Last spring we had squirrels that found their way into the walls of the house we (thankfully) rent. After weeks of telling my landlord, I finally got through to him by suggesting they were chewing the wiring (which they probably were) and could start a fire. He sent the exterminator down who sealed up the access points and pumped poison into my walls... Now, usually I would be upset about toxic substances in the house but these squirrels had me completely batty and we had to get rid of them. They would run back and forth between the floors, along the walls and through the crawlspace, chittering and even fighting in there! Oh my god they had me SO ANGRY!!!

Thankfully, one dose of poison and they were dead! We did a victory dead squirrel dance and moved on, hoping they wouldn't come back in the fall. They didn't. But yesterday they found a way in and have been back to their old antics. I spend the day yelling at them and pounding on the walls with various implements to get them to shut it. And I can hear babies.... DAMN IT!

So now I've been told that squirrels will come back to where they were born so unless we kill every single one this time we're in for the same deal every year. I cannot WAIT for the exterminator to get here and already called the landlord yesterday morning to get him making arrangements. They woke Jude from his nap with all their racket and I swear to god if I see one I will kill it with my bare hands. Squirrels outside = cute. Squirrels in the house = devil.

No, my squirrels don't look cute like this - but all I could find for pictures were either completely evil or cute.

At least Christel came over for a nice visit and didn't even mind that I was in pjs with uncombed hair. True friends are great :)

Today I hope to make it out to Food Fare for some chicken soup ingredients and Breads & Circuses for fresh crusty bread. Yum yum.