the perfect day

Today I woke with so much love inside for my  family that I felt my heart might burst! It was one of those days where I get weepy nursing Jude, taking time to cherish the moment and realizing just how perfect and amazing he is. It has been such a perfect day I thought I would share - so many times during the day it seemed like the kind of day I imagined having with him while I was pregnant (and fantasies don't often come true! lucky for me this one has).

I was on a baking/cooking spree this morning. After a mishap reheating oatmeal (forgot about it, burned it, put the pan in the back room to avoid stinking up the house and burned a hole in the (crappy) carpeting... oops!), made whole grain apple/applesauce/date muffins for breakfast. After doing up the dishes, decided to use up some veggies in a mushroom/black olive/red pepper pizza with a side of green soup - these Knorr soups are really good for not using fillers or preservatives, just whole veggies and spices. Super excited to find some ready-made soups that actually fit the guidelines we choose to eat by. Then I made chocolate chip cookies - whole grain flour and honey as sweetener, yummy all the way through.

Chris is working today and today I decided to stay inside. The last two days Jude and I bundled up to go walking and the bundling up part took just as long as the walking part!! We giggled and snuggled in the bedroom, danced to Regina Spektor while I sang at the top of my lungs, shared some Mango Passionfruit tea which Jude tolerated quite well, tossed baby high in the air and read books (well, I read, Jude tried to steal them from my hands and eat them...). We're working on adding solids back into his diet after nursing only during our trip and he's excited to try anything new.

 

 

I can't wait to get my hands on the new Final Fantasy/Owen Pallet record Heartland and the new Woodhands album Woodhands. Oh to have money again!  I had planned since before Jude's birth to catch the Final Fantasy show at the WECC in October but ended up missing it since it came too soon after our accident. I caught him at a church in Halifax two years ago but Chris has never seen him perform live... someday.

rebalance

I always feel so much clearer after a yoga session. Tonight I was worried about Jude - we haven't quite made it back onto regular schedule since coming back from vacation and Chris was called into work at the last minute today. Nonetheless, I really needed the time to clear my head and stretch my body so I called Aunt Mimi into service. She's watched him before with mixed results but I'm finding he is getting a lot better with other people as he gets older. Sure enough, he lost it once he realized I was gone but settled down enough that he fell asleep (and back asleep after waking) for her!! Success!!!

Not that I was worried about it during my practice. Although the first downward dog was tight and surely felt as though it had been a while, I quickly hit my stride and felt my body turn towards familiar movements. One thing I find amazing about yoga is how much benefit you get no matter when you start or what shape your body is in (physically, not image-wise). When I first started I gained so much simply from moving my body and learning the poses, handling my body in unfamiliar ways and using muscles that were often neglected. As I continued with my practice, the same regular poses become expected - my body knows what to do, letting me concentrate on what is out of place, minute changes in position that loosen a whole new set of muscles.

And Amanda at Bluemoon http://www.bluemoonwellness.com/html_ver/ always leads a great class that shows me some new part of my body that could use attention. Hip openers tonight = wow! I totally felt the movements and breath clear out my pelvis and gut, pushing out the old tensions and emotions my body holds onto. I felt all weepy afterwards but it's a relief to be clear and balanced. Thank you Amanda!!! During savasana I imagined myself floating with only my face above water. As the water flowed over my body my mind calmed and left the thinking/planning/talking/nonstop portion on my brain falling back to allow me to simply feel. Ahhh, so nice...

oh my summer!

Here's what I wrote on January 20th in Eleuthera (Bahamas) after 9 days of being away:

What a lovely trip it's been! I'm loving Eleuthera way more than Nassau. Jude was restless last night and awake since 5:30 am. I finally gave in at 6:30 and got up with him. Strapped on the cuddly wrap and went walking as the sun came up. So peaceful, as locals started stirring - driving to work, walking to school... We followed the coastline, watching birds sift through the buffet left by the receding tide, listening to roosters call out "Good morning! Time to get up!", waving to the locals and enjoying the rising sun.

Some houses are tidy and grand while others are messy and crumbling but everyone you meet says hi and smiles at you. We reached the dock and found, in the shadow of the wall, a school of fish at least a hundred thousand large. Two channels, one above were all swimming towards a ship while below they swam back to shore. Under the barge were more fish than I've seen in my life, turning to flash in the sunshine. We continued our wanderings along the shore, now a rocky bluff overlooking glass clear water. Two billy goats tied up along the rocks grazing the greenery, more roosters and hens, friendly dogs and scared kitties. Started to head home at 8 just as the house was stirring.

It's so nice to be vacationing with so much family - always someone to watch or entertain the bug while mom gets stuff done! I told my dad yesterday that Jude'll be so bored when we go home after all this stimulation. Mom  again?? Blah! I want someone new!

 

 

Yesterday we went to Cocodimama Beach on the Caribbean side. Hardly another soul on a sandy beach littered with perfect shells and jellyfish (not the poisonous kind, apparently). Snorkeling on this side we found starfish, sand dollars and a sea cucumber (i think!). No fish like on the Atlantic side but calm and relaxing. Jude lounged on his towel laid over a carpet of pine needles. Some type of evergreen with long soft needles.. The water close to the shore was so warm we put his feet in the water. Later I slung him with my sarong and we walked the beach, nursing in the sunshine with toes in the water and soft sand. This time away has been rejuvenating. Needed to get away from everything and everyone at home and spend some time alone with my family.

 

what is going on with my child?

Nothing has changed. My diet is the same as always, his diet quite plain (breastmilk, the odd brown rice cereal, water) but yet my child seems to have some tough tummy problems! We went to the doctor this week to see what was happening after the third restless night - waking up crying and trashing about every single hour of the night. My poor guy. Nothing seems to calm him. Not the mommy cuddles he usually loves, not lying on my chest to hear my heart beating, not nursing, not rubbing the back.... we finally collapse in a pile of tired crying and I can tell he's just not feeling well.

I have some homeopathic colic preparations that I 've tried giving him. Some nights it helps get him to sleep (although he's still awake in an hour) while other nights it does nothing. Frustration grows as doc tells me nothing I don't already know. Likely colic, revert to plain diet and give Advil before bed. Advil was dutifully administered at 7:30 pm and my bug still awoke at 8:15, 9:00, 9:30, 10:04 and 10:24. This is a pretty recent change. Sleep patterns changed over Christmas but he still would sleep for 3 hour stretches before waking to nurse. Suddenly naps and nighttime mean fits of crying and pain... Oh how I'm hoping things are better on vacation or else we'll be having little sleep on holiday. At least we'll be warm!

getting packed and ready

"Mom, I'm ready to go!!!"

One more week until we arrive in the Bahamas! I can't wait to feel warmth on my skin, bask in the heat and humidity and run my toes through the sand. I'm usually not the beach holiday type but after having such a terribly cold summer coupled with our trials in the fall, I can't wait to relax and let the sun kiss my face. The real question is how will we manage travel with the baby. I absolutely would not go the all-inclusive route so we've rented a villa that backs out onto the botanical gardens for our first week in Nassau. Just me, bebe and Chris for a quiet week of togetherness. After that my family will join us for our second week away.

But oh the preparation!! I find it to (usually) be the female who does most of the planning and arrangements so I'm quite used to figuring things out myself. Traveling with Jude is a whole new animal though. We've pared down the list of essentials to the minimum and I still find I'm packing three times more stuff for him than for me and Chris combined! Then I start hoping and praying he makes it through our two flights without too much pain or problems. If only we could skip this week entirely and just be there already! Soon soon, I keep telling myself. Before I know it our vacation will be over (Noooo!) and we'll be back in wintery Winnipeg reminiscing over photos.

A rare quiet night...

Hmmm, what a luxury tonight has been. Last night Chris experienced his first actual birthday party. He'd often told me that he has never had a party (of which I was skeptical - what child hasn't celebrated his birthday with friends??) But he was adamant that at no point in his childhood did his family ever plan a party for him. Lots of years we would plan to do something for his birthday only for him to renounce the plans weeks before, deciding instead to spend quiet time at home. He actually tried that again this year but how could I let a 30th birthday pass uncelebrated? A private karaoke room, some good friends and family and a Night of the Living Dead cake capped off the festivities. Such a fabulous time and nice to get out of the house without the babe.

Of course I picked a location close to home. My mom and dad were babysitting Jude but I wanted to make sure I could get home quickly if he lost it. I was surprised that he actually fell asleep for mom (she's the only one he's slept for other than me and Chris on the RARE occasion) and stayed out for nearly 2 hours! Alas, waking brought on the slow realization that you're Not My MOMMY! They held off calling me for about 20 minutes but eventually he was inconsolable. Pauvre bebe! By the time I made it home about 10 minutes later he was intermittedly screaming with rage and quietly sobbing. Sure enough, once I had him in my arms he let out one last indignant howl and settled down to nurse. Within minutes he was all smiles and chats, squealing up a storm. Clearly too much excitement to go back to sleep easily.

Wow it's so hard to force myself to leave the house when he gets so upset. I know I need to do it from time to time for myself as well as to get him used to spending time with others, but it's heartbreaking to hear him completely losing it due to missing mom! He'll take the bottle so it's not hunger but when he wants me he refuses everyone else. Anyhow, both he and Chris ended up having late nights last night. After a quiet day at home cuddling and watching movies, they both passed out by 8:30! Such a quiet night sitting up in my living room wearing hubby's sweater, snacking on leftover banana cake and milk and catching up on "me" time.

Before baby I really enjoyed my alone time. After living alone for years, it was hard enough to concede moving in with Chris and sacrificing my own space and time, having to consider the needs of someone else. I loved being at home with no one else around, traveling by myself to lose myself in back streets and small cafes with a book and a camera. My life with Jude is so fulfilling that I lose myself in goobery kisses and baby giggles daily and I wouldn't give it up for anything. But sometimes I remember that time alone and think that maybe, someday, I'll be able to spend these quiet nights doing something other than looking up eczema remedies and mothering info. Ha ha :)