do fun stuff - a cause!

Ever since I started writing my own blog I became somewhat of a lurker on other amazing blogs. There are too many great ones out there that I would end up dedicating all my time to internet lurking so I've limited myself to only regularly reading the ones I love. One of these is Pacing the Panic Room.

I first became acquainted with Ryan and his adorable family through a maternity series he did for his wife Cole. It got some great publicity online as well as through American Apparel. Apart from his incredible photography (a vision! his own! which is refreshing to see) and parallels to my life- his first daughter was born on the same day as Jude and I've enjoyed watching them grow at the same time, hitting milestones within days of each other, hearing of their brand new gardening adventures and family adjustments. Ryan intensely loves his family, his state, his work, and regardless of what he writes about I always leave with something. A new artist to check out, a different perspective, some gorgeous photos to ogle....

One struggle I can't relate to is the work his stepson (Cole's firstborn) has to do. During her pregnancy with Tessa, they finally got a diagnosis for him. Smith Magenis Syndrome, a condition about which very little is known and little support is available for families struggling through it. Being a dreamer he reached big and is trying to do something about it.

There is an album! It is fantastic! Do Fun Stuff is a project involving loads of indie bands that wrote songs and donated their time to create this album of kids music that parents will enjoy too. I'm telling you, I ardently tried not to like it. I bought it, to support Ryan and his family, and I figured I would play it for Jude and he would enjoy it. But I've found myself playing the album repeatedly over the last few days just because I love it and it is so catchy. Try Biscuits (but watch the youtube video because it is the cutest thing in the world - Biscuits Video). Or Always a Blue Sky by Rabbit. Or Nothing. Actually, they are all super good.

Buy this album please! Buy it to support a family doing everything they can to help their son. Buy it for yourself, buy it if you have a friend with kids or if you love indie music. Pass it on! Maybe something great will happen because you decided to spend $10 on a super great album. 100% of the proceeds goes into a grant fund which is available to grad students who choose SMS as their field of choice. It will be used for research into SMS of which there is currently little known.

I've just heard that Ryan will be making this a yearly project and is already at work on volume 2. I can't wait!

Do Fun Stuff Vol 1 is available on ITunes. Or click here Do Fun Stuff and follow the link at the bottom that says buy this album on ITunes. 

we had a sale

We had a sale. A free sale! All winter we piled unwanteds and planned to do a garage sale in the summer. When it came time i didn't really feel like doing it. All the requirements piled on - pricing everything, sitting outside for two whole days while keeping Jude occupied, all to make a negligible amount of money. I still wanted to get rid of everything though.

A free giveaway meant we only needed to sit outside a short time, it could start later in the morning so we had time to get ready, we could collect for a charity and get a donation receipt for taxes... all good things. It was an event i should have photographed but was caught up in the busyness. Neon green signs in the neighborhood, Kijiji ad and Freecycle to get people to come. All worked. We made $75 to donate to Children's Hospital, not bad from just wanting to give stuff away. Chris made an additional fifteen from a guy who bought some foreign coins from him. Who knows whether he was swindled but they were just sitting around anyhow.

So it was a success. Lots of friends stopped by and it was so nice to see them. The only negative the nearly constant rain though the forecast didn't call for rain. I checked all morning - cloudy, high humidity but no showers. But the drizzle continued off and on.

We also gained some new books from friends and neighbors who dropped some off. A nice stack of new titles. Also a juicer! from a neighbor leaving for China monday. A little cleaning and it should work well. Really can't complain, it was a good day with a toddler visiting Nanny and wet muddy shoes and visits.

these days

these are the days we'll remember

nursing back down to sleep

from evening waking

indignant, heavy warm babe

possessive arm snaked over my neck

he is busy these days and stimulated

rare moments of quiet

he is entirely himself

a bundle of emotions

learning anger, frustration, love

joy and concentration

book love

every day a different title becomes the focus

of repeated readings

of focused attention

of anticipation

discovery. delight. disappointments.

a fourteen month life.

the wedding

We went to a wedding last weekend. It was beautiful and personal and detailed, an art project as much as an event in which every last item was lovingly picked and arranged and grown. The couple are friends and coworkers of Chris' and although I didn't know them well I felt transported into their world. The best wedding we've attended yet we both said numerous times during the weekend. The ceremony was at Spruce Woods Provincial Park where the bridal party walked across a footbridge to natural outdoor sounds while the groom wore the most amazing hand stitched cabled socks (made by his mother over two months). The vows included "I like you because you're silly and make me laugh" while the guests stood in the grass and cheered.

We then went over to Dusty Mile Outfitters, a campground and ranch, where the guests staying over set up tents and milled around. Although our misadventures included not putting up the fly and being woken in the darkness by rain (not forecast, might I add!!), we had an incredible time. Board games were left out for guests, an area set up outside with thrift store couches, chairs and suitcases full of quilts and blankets... I could go on for ages. Hand made napkins, thrift store china and centerpieces, crockpots full of food, compostable cutlery and a one glass per person rule to reduce waste. Friends and family worked hard to make the dinner and breakfast the following morning as well as set up and tear down everything. What a wonderful time!

Thank you Ciji and Chris for including us in your celebration and congratulations a million times over.


And if you're wondering about the groomsman in the powder blue suit - he was the "worst" man. Smoked throughout the ceremony, shared inappropriate stories and tore up the dance floor. Every wedding should have one, I think.

august days

These last weeks have been a non stop roller coaster of activity and I've hardly had time to sit nevermind write about it. I desperately want to capture these days so I can look back and remember what our lives were like. We went to Great Woods Music (still in my mind Blues) Fest. Broke from the routine so after bath and pjs and nursing I put Jude in the sling and we went back outside. It took a while for him to relax and understand that things were different but then he went with it. We went back to the pounding music of the festival and within minutes he cuddled down and went to sleep, on the grass, the blues only slightly muffled by the chairs around us. I was certain he would awaken during the fireworks but no! With my son on one side and my dad on the other I lay back and watched the sky explode over us. I have loved fireworks since I was wee... At 11 we went to Montreal during the summer and watched the international fireworks competition that takes place there each summer. We lay under the bridge across from La Ronde on the banks of the Fleuve St-Laurent and watched hours of fireworks displays, each Saturday a different country competing. Last year the display from Winnipeg's ArcAngel Fireworks won! How exciting! When I was 16, no longer living at home but staying with a friend in Osborne Village, Winnipeg hosted the PanAm Games. Every night for two weeks there were fireworks at the Forks and every night for two weeks I walked from our apartment down across the footbridge to take my place and watch. Some nights I brought a group, some nights I was alone but I can't recall missing even a night. Something about fireworks reaches into my heart and brings all the emotions out. I couldn't miss that.

We've visited with friends. At Melissa's last week Jude was more interested in running around the yard discovering new things than playing in the pool. We called him back but he simply lifted his arm and waved bye-bye as he ran off! We've played in parks and at friend's houses and in the yard and in our house. The heat wave finally broke and last time I came home it was so cold it felt like fall. Only a high of 12 degrees for three days!!! We had long pants and shirts on, the air conditioning got turned off and I began preparing for the inevitable return of fall. But not yet! We still have a few weeks to enjoy the heat of summer, the sting of mosquitoes, etc etc etc

Last time I was in Toronto I had a fantastic layover that included lunch at Pi-Tom's with Celindy, watching a Chinese adult student literally frolic in a water pool (where was my camera?!? AGAIN!! I really really have to get on this, it's ridiculous the moments I miss not having one on me) and spent over an hour wandering the city with a Cuban who I had just met. And who thought I was the most amazing person in the world just for being myself. What a great day! I was totally rejuvenated to come back on the train as ASC in charge of 300 coach passengers, including 175 sixteen year-old students. Oh joy. Surprisingly they were great kids and the trip back was infinitely better than the trip going, in which I only had 75 passengers spread amongst three coaches and I spent the entire trip dreading the return and being angry at my crew. Your mindset can really affect so much and I mostly blame myself for having such a crappy, angry trip down.

The newest news? Twofold. I cut my hair, again. Had a bird etched into the side and a sick cut that looks amazing. Once Chris learns to take a better picture of me I will add one! And I'm preparing for my first nude photoshoot with Cherrystems. I decided to theme it books/librarian and we've got the used book store Aqua to let us shoot there. I'm so psyched, doubly so that my good friend Christel has agreed to shoot it and my just as good friend Julie *might* stop by too! It'll be such fun with a good group of girls and it's happening too fast for me to get nervous about it. Too many things yet to get done so I can't start stressing out about it.

Oh, these days will be over too soon and not soon enough. I am anxious for my layoff and to spend all my days at home caring for my boys and working on my own projects. Yet when that happens my smallest boy will be even bigger and I don't want that yet! He brings us books to read him all the time. And he smacks his lips making fish sounds when he's happy, mainly when both mama and papa are around. And he tries to help by sweeping the floor or throwing out the garbage (and also not the garbage) and putting groceries in the cart. And he's so strong today he pushed the entire grocery cart full of groceries by himself!!! Oh my, what an adventure we are having and he is growing so quickly. Til next time.

heat

I have all these ideas for blogs while I move through my day. Yet when I sit to start writing the ideas dangle out of reach and I can't recall what I planned to say. What a busy and ... i feel like using a word that ends with "aining" (straining, draining, etc) but none of them are quite right. It was just a difficult, long day. Jude has had a rough few days. Apart from discovering a burn on his finger two days ago with mysterious origins, the heat has turned him into a sweaty, moody babe who alternates clinging and crying at me all day. After a rough few days of teething and feeling generally unwell, and with the muggy weather to content with, we had a full slate today.

Chris was an angel getting up with him this morning as I prepared to crawl out of bed exhausted at 6:45. When I woke to a happy baby and pancakes warm in the oven I was so happy for the start of the day. But the heat makes me grumpy. I should be clear - the heavy humid sticky heat that assaults you out the door and makes your skin clammy and wet in minutes affects all of our moods. Chris and I were both drained the day before laying down inside, headaches moving in and both with such little energy. Our only time outside the air conditioned oasis was a welcome change of scenery at Celindy and Jason's, who had us over for chicken pad thai and drinks. Despite Jude terrorizing the cats with excited thumps and inconsolable sobbing when mom went on the porch for a minute without him, we had a great time. Dark rooms, humming fans and air conditioner, stuffed to the brim and lived in. What a difference from all the years I knew Celindy living alone! Now she shares with her man and their female roomate whose creativity overflows in all spaces and the lovers build a literal life of stuff together. It was such a great evening with friends and I was glad to be here enjoying it.

Along Corydon Avenue we ran in to get gelati on the way home. Coconut was the most amazing, non-sweet but perfect confection. Mango was too sweet for the heat (yes, I'm still on about that!). I'm still craving more tonight, perhaps with a mocha or expresso flavour. Mmmmm.

Without going into each event today was a "_____" day. We visited friends and played in the yard thankfully shaded today through the clouds. I finally placed myself in my son's place after getting groceries and telling him not to do things one too many times. I wasn't taking time to explain why I didn't want him doing things and I don't want to become the type of parent I was today. So I stopped unloading groceries, picked him up and apologized to him for how mama was treating him. It's not ok and I need to take time for him within our busy lives. A lesson. I've become good at recognizing the lessons in trying days.

All ended well with books and cuddles, a nurse and a nice sleep... One day I want to write about our nursing journey. That's a topic for another day.

tonight, tonight

Went outside to bring in the recycling box before putting Jude to bed this evening. This made my entire day: a seven-year-old boy biking on the sidewalk, stopped at the back lane to wait for his dad to catch up. Belting out "DON'T stop beLIEVING, DA da dada DAAA dadaaa da". Oh what good taste in music that child has.

I must start battling the slugs. I have no interest or energy to do so but the scourge has spread from the lettuce into tomatoes and cucumbers and even my massive, hardy zucchini plant is succumbing. With little time to tend to the dirt, I spread coffee grounds along the lettuce and didn't bother picking them off individually to drown them, which google and the collective internet wisdom tells me I should have been doing. Now the disgusting, slimy, hermaphroditic snotbags are taking over my garden. They are everywhere!!! I am not a squeamish person but these things are turning me into a grossed out girl. I do not want to remove them with my bare hands but gloves will be too unwieldy to pick them off without ruining the plants. Should I take Chris up on his offer to do it himself? There must be hundreds out there! I can't leave that all to him...


Boy, things to learn for next year. I'm actually surprised at how well the garden has done this year considering we have no prior knowledge of gardening. I was so excited when leaves and shoots started sprouting up from the seeds I planted. I would go outside just to marvel that we actually grew something! And we've had green beans, zucchinis, peppers and more to show for our efforts. And we learn more for the next year. It's been better than I hoped for. Just goes to show sometimes you need to dive in and try something without knowing what you're doing. The outcome might surprise you.

This was one of my favorite moments of the summer. We went to the park a few weeks ago and I fed Jude pieces of strawberry carefully to stop him from getting juice all over his white shirt. Got home, left him to run around in the yard as I put the stroller and bags inside. I come out to see he's found the strawberry bag, opened it and has the entire gigantic strawberry in his mouth. Sneaky, sneaky.... juice running down sticky fingers and happy hearts. 

My younger cousin arrived today from Montreal to spend a couple weeks with our family. Jude is in love already. At the grocery store he had eyes only for her as she zoomed him up and down the aisles and spoke a mixture of french and english. And then we came home and she cleaned up all his toys for me while I fed him dinner. It's official, she's a keeper and I might have to kidnap her.

creativity

Intense creativity, too many new ideas and nowhere close to enough time in the day to blog about it. The last six weeks I have been overloaded with ideas for projects that may end up consuming me over the next year. First I've decided to put on a recital. Wanting both a chance to perform and a reason to practice pieces to perfection, I thought about putting on an evening at my parent's house. They have a beautiful piano that was bought four years ago and hardly gets played. Although I still play at home from time to time, it usually sits quiet and unused. I thought of inviting family and a few friends for an evening of music then mingling and drinks afterwards... It should be a really great time. However, this means I need to practice at least twice a week intensively in order to hope to be ready to play an hour in front of an audience in four months. At least that is a pleasurable thing to schedule in, although it has been so long since I've prepared to play in public or to be judged. I have this fear of judgment that used to be so evident during the Dauphin Performing Arts Festival when I would compete. Every year I would play in at least 3 categories and maybe even more, and also would do my examination to pass another grade. I love and loved playing piano but these were such stressful times. I would practice for months in preparation and would mount the steps onto the stage in nervousness of making a mistake or losing my focus. Especially since we were expected to memorize our pieces and that was not my forte. I ended up using my book more than a few times usually not feeling able to play without the security of notes in front of me. We were docked marks for using the music but I knew when I oculdn't perform without it.

So this is a major step for me. I've hardly played in public at all over the last ten years. Chris hears me play often and I've played for family and friends who ask. But overall I play for myself, which is great but sometimes I'd like to play seriously and not just play around.

So the practicing has started, I've made a guest list and have an idea of the invitation. It should be a small affair, 20-30 people max and a nice mix of my friends, family and people important to my parents. I'm excited for it but definitely will need to work my butt off to be ready for that. And hopefully lose my nervousness after a couple pieces. I will definitely be asking for quiet while I play.

Apart from that, I have two other major ideas I've thought of an are trying to figure out how to develop. I'm not quite ready to share yet but hopefully in the next few months I'll be working on them too. It's an exciting burst of creativity that I'm experiencing over the last couple months. More thoughts on that later as well. Do I have any cute pictures to share from the past little bit? I realize I've been lax about writing but there haven't been enough hours in a day. Soon, soon...