February 25, 2011
February 24, 2011
one - self portrait +10
I agreed weeks ago to start this photo challenge and thought about it too many times. It began with 'today would be a good day to start' and I planned to take my self portrait shot infinite times always to abandon consciously, knowing once i started i was undertaking one more thing on my overfilled plate. I enjoy life like this, spilling out of the cracks but agonize also over the excess that pours away, that I can't attend to after I've said yes and that sits in my mind, knowing i can't do it, not procrastination though I've been good at that too when I don't want to do it. These are things and projects that I want to take on but when the list begins to swell i prioritize and they fall away.
So i knew taking that first shot meant each day i would expect of myself to meet the goal and would surely fail to. It's still a journey to allow myself to fail and to be ok with it. So
1) today i thought f*ck it and started anyhow
2) i am wearing our designated family sweater. it joined our family when Chris was heavier. i wore it while pregnant because it fit and was so cozy. when Jude was a baby I'd wrap him to me and cover us with the giant sweater. i can still wrap us both inside though he now wouldn't stand being so confined to mom but thinks it hilarious to come share the hood with me. a shared, family sweater that we all use :)
3) i haven't posted photos because i'm sure they don't reach the standards i've set for myself. which is ridiculous because i know i am learning, but i also know what i want to achieve and don't like to be disappointed in my results.
4) i had a difficult conversation with a friend that was needed to save a friendship from draining away. not fun times but so needed - i was glad to realize i'd grown and wasn't ok with letting things go unsaid and rot away a relationship
5) i miss riding the bus. i miss the time to sit and observe the world, the daily commute of life, the proximity to all different types of people that you miss in a car. i don't miss unheated bus shacks.
6) i am coming close to being back on the train and look forward to the familiar rhythm
7) i have to stop reading maclean's magazines because although i enjoy it, it leaves no time to read anything else. by the time i work through my backlog of magazines the next batch have arrived and it starts again, leaving months without reading a novel
8) watching the sun set late in the day (comparatively!) makes my heart smile bigger each day
9) i feel strongly that i need double the shoes that i currently own
10) this is a happy point of life for me and i couldn't be happier to share all this with my love
So i knew taking that first shot meant each day i would expect of myself to meet the goal and would surely fail to. It's still a journey to allow myself to fail and to be ok with it. So
1) today i thought f*ck it and started anyhow
2) i am wearing our designated family sweater. it joined our family when Chris was heavier. i wore it while pregnant because it fit and was so cozy. when Jude was a baby I'd wrap him to me and cover us with the giant sweater. i can still wrap us both inside though he now wouldn't stand being so confined to mom but thinks it hilarious to come share the hood with me. a shared, family sweater that we all use :)
3) i haven't posted photos because i'm sure they don't reach the standards i've set for myself. which is ridiculous because i know i am learning, but i also know what i want to achieve and don't like to be disappointed in my results.
4) i had a difficult conversation with a friend that was needed to save a friendship from draining away. not fun times but so needed - i was glad to realize i'd grown and wasn't ok with letting things go unsaid and rot away a relationship
5) i miss riding the bus. i miss the time to sit and observe the world, the daily commute of life, the proximity to all different types of people that you miss in a car. i don't miss unheated bus shacks.
6) i am coming close to being back on the train and look forward to the familiar rhythm
7) i have to stop reading maclean's magazines because although i enjoy it, it leaves no time to read anything else. by the time i work through my backlog of magazines the next batch have arrived and it starts again, leaving months without reading a novel
8) watching the sun set late in the day (comparatively!) makes my heart smile bigger each day
9) i feel strongly that i need double the shoes that i currently own
10) this is a happy point of life for me and i couldn't be happier to share all this with my love
February 13, 2011
dog days of february
these last couple weeks have hardly given us room to breathe, never mind cram all the busyness of life into the corners of our overfilled cup. I have no complaints but ample appreciation for how Chris and I managed to navigate and find ways to talk past our stresses and connect together through these times. We both started new parttime jobs at the same time, essentially going from one parttime position in this household to accommodating a full and parttime job into our lives. Yes, the money is appreciated and much needed, the outside stimulation, meeting new people out of the house is a good thing. But figuring out car usage and babysitters for overlapping shifts, running past each other some days hardly together, frustrations of accepting last minute shifts and scheduled "family time" has forced our family into new arrangements completely and we've all had to adjust. I think things are actually going well now that we've passed the first couple weeks and are getting used to setting aside time for ourselves. Some things neglected hardly seen, others completely forgotten as the priority list balloons. But busy lives are fun, movement and sunshine pushing us towards spring.
We've already spring cleaned and with some gorgeous days behind and currently with us, I've decided it's April. It has been april already for a few weeks and will continue to be until actual april overtakes us. Days spend with Jude who'll grab his boots and place a hand on the door at -30 trying to get outside. When it's nice out we'll walk around the block finding treasures and noticing trucks and birds, or stand shovelling side by side in the yard. We wandered slowly down Corydon this just below freezing day, sidewalks cleared for little booted feet and one piece snowsuit to run mittened hands along doorways, ducking under chains, picking up twigs and investigating them by sniffing, bending, breaking (shock - what happened mama?), destroying a clump of snow with said twig... His days are full of dogs (always a hand out body held at a distance) and trucks, smelling spices which he'll request by standing by the sink inhaling deeply, rides on the computer chair in the upstairs which we discovered today the mom does WAY better than dad when he pushed dad away repeatedly and sat expectantly for me... Reading Corduroy's Day in which he'll flip impatiently to page four, where He played with 4 trucks and his eyes push out, ooh and thrusting the book at us... 4 trucks!! Mama Look!! Four trucks, oooohhhh. Oooh. Excitement :)
Working back in a restaurant is nice, busy bustling kitchen and chefs, especially considering I started a new restaurant jobs during Dine About which brought us many new guests and long nights learning everything. I hate the initial learning curve of starting a new job, having to ask questions for everything and so much to learn. So much less effort to do your job well when you can just focus on the job and not all the stuff that becomes automatic after a while. But a chance to practice my French more, serving in St. Boniface. And Chris, well let's say that he deals in vices. He was already peddling booze at the LC and has added twenty hours a week selling porn and other... enhancements. Too funny and I'm sure the clientele is varied (but likely overlapping, since he serves in the same area for both!). And can I say that he was warned (and which job actually has to verbally state this) that selling yourself to clients was unacceptable. Apparently they'd had this problem before with staff (!!) so it had to be said. oh my... At least it could never be boring!
Aside from these my photography class has been continuing and though I haven't had time to post about it, and a crappy slow computer has stopped me from uploading many images. The next hopeful purchase is a new laptop which every late night goes towards making happen. New laptop!! (this should be sung in a high falsetto)
Last night I had balls of fun out at Park Theatre with Chris and a few friends, watching a Phantom of the Paradise/Rocky Horror double feature. And what could be better than catching both in theatre as virgins (no we did not dress up although Nicole and I have agreed next time we won't back out), at the Park with a bar in the back, drinking gin and t's, kissing in backlanes and thoroughly enjoying a night away together. It was stellar and we'll definitely do it again..
Photos another time. Tonight I'm beat and this'll take hours to upload if I try adding pics now. Bonne nuit
We've already spring cleaned and with some gorgeous days behind and currently with us, I've decided it's April. It has been april already for a few weeks and will continue to be until actual april overtakes us. Days spend with Jude who'll grab his boots and place a hand on the door at -30 trying to get outside. When it's nice out we'll walk around the block finding treasures and noticing trucks and birds, or stand shovelling side by side in the yard. We wandered slowly down Corydon this just below freezing day, sidewalks cleared for little booted feet and one piece snowsuit to run mittened hands along doorways, ducking under chains, picking up twigs and investigating them by sniffing, bending, breaking (shock - what happened mama?), destroying a clump of snow with said twig... His days are full of dogs (always a hand out body held at a distance) and trucks, smelling spices which he'll request by standing by the sink inhaling deeply, rides on the computer chair in the upstairs which we discovered today the mom does WAY better than dad when he pushed dad away repeatedly and sat expectantly for me... Reading Corduroy's Day in which he'll flip impatiently to page four, where He played with 4 trucks and his eyes push out, ooh and thrusting the book at us... 4 trucks!! Mama Look!! Four trucks, oooohhhh. Oooh. Excitement :)
Working back in a restaurant is nice, busy bustling kitchen and chefs, especially considering I started a new restaurant jobs during Dine About which brought us many new guests and long nights learning everything. I hate the initial learning curve of starting a new job, having to ask questions for everything and so much to learn. So much less effort to do your job well when you can just focus on the job and not all the stuff that becomes automatic after a while. But a chance to practice my French more, serving in St. Boniface. And Chris, well let's say that he deals in vices. He was already peddling booze at the LC and has added twenty hours a week selling porn and other... enhancements. Too funny and I'm sure the clientele is varied (but likely overlapping, since he serves in the same area for both!). And can I say that he was warned (and which job actually has to verbally state this) that selling yourself to clients was unacceptable. Apparently they'd had this problem before with staff (!!) so it had to be said. oh my... At least it could never be boring!
Aside from these my photography class has been continuing and though I haven't had time to post about it, and a crappy slow computer has stopped me from uploading many images. The next hopeful purchase is a new laptop which every late night goes towards making happen. New laptop!! (this should be sung in a high falsetto)
Last night I had balls of fun out at Park Theatre with Chris and a few friends, watching a Phantom of the Paradise/Rocky Horror double feature. And what could be better than catching both in theatre as virgins (no we did not dress up although Nicole and I have agreed next time we won't back out), at the Park with a bar in the back, drinking gin and t's, kissing in backlanes and thoroughly enjoying a night away together. It was stellar and we'll definitely do it again..
Photos another time. Tonight I'm beat and this'll take hours to upload if I try adding pics now. Bonne nuit
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