this child of mine

Has a mouthful of teeth, pointy and sharp. The toothy grin changed his whole face and come in useful for fun activities like grinding them together to make cool sounds... prying lids off of containers and boxes... sinking teeth into deliciously fleshy body parts such as my bum... We've been working on no biting for months now, the excitement overwhelming his body and I'm sure it feels good in his mouth. Not so good for us! He'll now cover his head with a blanket or shirt before coming at us, thinking if we don't see him advancing mouth open for a big chomp perhaps he won't get into trouble. I shove a hand between his mouth and my thigh "Don't bite mama!" to head him off before it comes, twist and contort to escape his surprisingly strong grasp. We remind him that it hurts and say Ouch strongly enough to get the message across yet not excitedly enough to make it seem a fun game... He doesn't bite other children or even other people so I know it's an expression of love and excitement with the people he trusts the most. But OUCH! He discovered my bum lately as I stand in the bathroom getting ready for the day I feel little hands tapping at it, pinching it gently, head butting the soft surface and then the mouth comes sneaking in. "Jude No! Don't bite, that hurts me!" His mouth turns into a questioning pout - but I want to mama! Eyes squinting up at me, a standoff between us. Luckily for today a truck distracts until the next time want overwhelms him.

What other things has he been doing lately? Burrowing under blanket like a rabbit. Making funny faces at us and coming up to pull our faces into whatever shape he wants. Snaking an arm up against my face and his other arm alongside papa's face to push us in together for a kiss (that is the sweetest thing in the world!). Playing with his trucks and farm animals by himself, knowing what he wants to do and figuring out how they all work. Reading reading reading and reading (this boy loves his books! We could read for hours each day without getting bored). Robert Munsch and Little Critter and Franklin mixed in with our bedtime favorites Time for Bed and Winken Blinken and Nod. He knows when those come out, the last two stories before bath, his head snuggled back into my arms as familiar words wash over his tired head.

I love bedtime. To hold him as he falls into sleep, complete openness and vulnerability. His face relaxes and tired eyes fight for one last look, his arm wrapped around my neck breath slowing into slumber. When the last vestiges of energy have faded and his mouth sits partly open breathing heavily. I could hold him in sleep for hours, watching.

We made a snow table.... hours of fun

Flannel lingerie

I had the best idea today! Went to Ce Soir lingerie to pick up my altered bras (lovely having to pay over 100$ per bra and still needing alterations!) with my mom. She enticed me to browsing after we found the discount rack with some bras for twenty, leading to rows of valentine's day lingerie. This is pretty and oh, how nice as she lifted silky tops and lacy slips. I said walking out to the car I know nobody who wears lingerie in a long term relationship. That and the winnipeg climate, she reminded me. And I suddenly knew - how cool would flannel lingerie be? A hot corset, boned but with cozy flannel. Over the knee knitted socks. I think we desperately need a line for cold weather sexy. If I sewed and could make them, I'd totally be starting that. One of the too many ideas I have.

I was at Ten Spa at the Fort Garry Hotel for a spa and yoga package with my maman and sisters this weekend! What a restorative, relaxing, rejuvenating, much deserved escape from our usual days. We had two beautiful adjoining rooms, the blue room and the pink room. The first time I'd stayed there although I remembered the ballroom and the club rooms during our wanderings. What a gem of old doors and curtains, chandeliers and soft easy chairs, winding back stairs chilled servant access from days back. I looked over the Via station to the Provencher bridge and the Red River while upstairs, our windows facing mostly brick. Content to keep the blinds closed anyway and forget our winnipeg existence, a separate world from the world outside. We did yoga after checkin and again in the morning in a too cold Club room, changed into our pestemals and robes for an evening hamam at Ten Spa. Hot steam and salt, cool water against heated marble and tiles, in the dark star studded room, continual water relaxation. Between the yoga and hamman, starting off with mint tea ending with a yogurt cucumber drink to rebalance you, I feel very detoxified. And we ate a late supper in the Palm room while my mom and I finished a bottle of wine and we all fiercely debated the saxophone's players age (the younger the guesser, the older they thought he was and vice versa). Then a late brunch this morning in a sunshine filled Broadway room, with fresh omeletters and eggs benedict made to order, my favorite real potato hash (I have strict requirements for hash browns!), croissants and oj and two cups of coffee (a rarity in my world). Such a lovely weekend with such a great group of ladies!

I needed to catch up with them all, too many things happening in our lives and too little time to connect. Breakups and new jobs and a pregnancy! Leona is beginning to show at seventeen weeks and I was totally excited when she shared her potential name with us yesterday. Not sure if she's sharing with the world so we'll leave it at super cute! A little baby belly and a new life working to join us soon. She also has a meeting this week with a midwife so send positive thoughts her way that hopefully it will be a good match and she'll be able to plan the birth, as much as you can, the way she wants it. I remember it clearly now that she's going through it... the thicker hair, the frustration at not being able to sauna or use heat, the excitement of kicks and growing a life inside of you. And so much yet to come. How rarely us girls get together without others around to focus on each other and reconnect. It was over too soon and we know the next time (because there will be a next time!) we should plan an entire weekend away. Perhaps the Moosejaw Temple Gardens?

The weather is turning and we have temperatures supposed to rise to minus four. Though I'll never believe the forecast considering we sit at minus twenty six before windchills tonight I'll keep my hopes up for the week. Tomorrow I'll get April her nursing pictures from the shoot we did at the conservatory last weekend and perhaps we'll all get out for a family walk on a nicer day. Let's hope!

A few cute shots and outtakes from our shoot

This Tuesday feels like a Wednesday

Ran around town all day finishing up all the short errands that pile up during blizzard hibernations, the yard covered in three feet of snow at least. Thinking if I were a kid I'd put on my snow pants, tunnel through the yard making snow angels, building forts. Cheeks reddening brightly while flakes cling to eyelashes and melt on contact. It may not be just the adult part of me that stops from leaping into snowbanks, the -43 temperatures not helping us enjoy these winter days. I've been pushing out to rejoin the world, the retreat from it chosen and forced weighing my feet cast in cement. But we left to visit the lovely Mikaela and Henry who breathed fresh air into our lives (this photo from back in the spring, before the boys were little men running our world)

Hit up the super great Scott Ramos from Berns and Black Salon to refresh my hair and chat ghosts and photography, travels and gifting and how he clones Winnipeggers into his own style (my words, not his!). Spent time at the union executive meeting with some dedicated, activists who tirelessly do the work. Had my third photography class and we showed our pics for the first time. Interesting to see what everyone comes up with, how creative (or not), how when folks shoot what they love it's so apparent in the shot. We missed Jeffrey sitting up front this week, our usual whispered commentary and obvious checking out of the instructor extra spice to help keep awake after we start lagging by breaktime. I realized the first class that these days, I'm usually in pyjamas relaxing in the glow of a computer by 8 most nights, yawning heavily by partway through the our Monday night class. I am in good company though, most of the moms and others copping to tired heads fighting sleep fog descending. I guess we're almost halfway through our eight classes... Have intentions of posting pics from last weeks roadtrip through southern manitoba with Kate getting shots for class but I've worried lately about photo ownership when you post on blogs. I know I won't put my work up on facebook essentially giving them rights to own and sell and use my photos in any way. But here, not sure whether I have protection or should be watermarking stuff... Anyone know?

Busier days for sure and it helps although I work hard to start moving. An object settled in place. The beautiful Amanda who guides us in yoga at Bluemoon started a 30 day photo challenge (see the topics here). I think I might start it, starting the hardest point and then the expectation of needing to keep it up. I might tweak the rules to accommodate what I need, extra time, maybe using pictures I already have? Is that allowed? It is now :)

Starting the hardest point of writing as well.. I opened blogger so many times to let my fingers fly over keys, the words emptying out clearing room behind my heart. But the first sentence didn't pour easily and I couldn't start.



I love this so much... Another project in the wings is a joint music video blog with Chris, since we love checking out new vids and discovering new groups. Too many things waiting for time, and motivation. Photo projects and sewing projects and neverending guilt for not doing enough of them.

I sat alone in Mondragon listening to Anthony Sweet softly croon, catching up on Macleans on ragged comfy chairs, chill from the window not enough to drive me further loving meager sunlight and Winnipeg boots entering briskly for hot vegan soups and hearty eats. I am enjoying this life and stolen moments of self. 

this is exactly how I feel

I just haven't been able to write lately. To sit, and reflect. The very act of living and reconnecting into life requiring any excess energy I have. And the projects on the go these days keep me moving and thinking too much. Caught between a time of slowing down and days of rabid action, I'm loving the connections lately with friends and with family. Add a photo class that is taking me on a journey of admitting to not knowing, fighting against pride that I just want to be good already, knowing my results will disappoint me and the great stuff will come out of practice and learning and failing (that which I am not good at, if you hadn't guessed!). I will work my tail off to take pictures I'm actually proud of and they will be ok. The assignment this week seems HUGE if you want to actually do a decent job of any of the nine different points, most with multiple shots of different subjects to get. During a cold Manitoba winter. I will post my results here, figuring I need to start shooting by Wednesday at least if I want to have time to get them done and printed by class next week.

That and hopefully starting some temp work a couple days a week and a new family membership to the y and starting a thursday night supper club with my sisters and family commitments and playgroups and friends and side projects that never get looked at. No wonder the days aren't enough to contain and decompress and relax into. Oh well, the days are what they are. I need to keep moving and see where it leads. Curiosity for what next brings....

The scales of new years

I went out to Christel and Joey's social last night, leaving Chris at home still feeling rough after the recent stint with a severe sinus infection. That, and our babysitter for the evening clearly has taken on too much already. Hub's mom,, ever agreeable, is watching his sister's four foster children for two weeks while they vacation in Jamaica, visiting family and enjoying a needed break with their two kids. But what an adjustment for a sixty some widow accustomed to solitude since her adult son moved out and in with me years ago! She would tell me beforehand that having watched them for two days before was easy and she didn't forsee problems with a couple weeks. Before the first twentyfour hours passed she was at the end of niceness and sugary grandma, instead sending them to the basement to get some peace and quiet. I'm sure a rhythm is being reached, she no stranger to watching children alone. Her hubby would spend six months away at a time, working the dew line in the 70s while she single parented their three kids. Add assorted foster and childcare over the years and she is more than qualified. Still, what a change to your lifestyle for such a long time!

So Chris stayed in and I headed out to a Manitoba social. Cold hall with no heat for the first hours we shivered in jackets and stayed far from the door. In true Manitoba fashion we simply stayed bundled, drank more and inhaled plates of chips. Finally the alcohol and the dancing and the food warming you from the inside and I ended the night winning no silent auction prizes, despite sending out my intention to the universe that I really wanted to win something. Oh the Secret, you lied to me... Some awesome prizes included a laptop and printer, a wii, nights away at Falcon Lake, Bijou jewelery, massage and clothing from Voila par/by Andreanne (previously known as MJAnne Couture). I so wanted to win a prize! Alas it was not to be but all money to a good cause anyway. And a good group of VIAs that I don't see outside work often.

But the scales pull down and Jude broke a fever while I was out. Spiking past 104 made dad nervous but he gamely took care while trying to reach me and let me know what was happening. A bath and milk and cuddles, stripping bare layers to cool down, a heated head down by the time mom returned.

And the drunken yahoos who already broke the covering of our tail light last month returned to break the side mirror on our car. Chris found our car unlocked with the trunk popped but nothing taken, and the side mirror broken on the ground. How useless some people are to society. And if I caught whoever did this in the act, it certainly would not be a child appropriate scene.

Last year we entered the year with an amazing trip to the Bahamas.. In fact, I think I probably started blogging almost a year ago now! I was putting my heavy boy down to sleep tonight remembering the morning when my six month old awakened before sunrise. Strapped on my chest slipping down quiet streets, we watched the sun rise over the bay as we mimicked roosters and hens, found goats grazing on the rocky edge, peeked in yards and doorways of Caribbean houses, uniformed children off to class, sun breaking through red clouds which should have fortold of problems weather

Red sky at night, sailor's delight,

Red sky at morning, sailors take warning.

Rouge le soir, bel espoir

Rouge le matin, de la pluie en chemin.

 

 

 I remember red skies over water on the east coast led to heavy rains that day too. And sure enough, I turned the corner and thought - my those clouds look dark. What a contrast of bright island morning rays with heavy moist clouds hovering. The drops started before we crossed the road and by the time we sheltered in the entryway the rains started in earnest. I remember his face smiling at me, perfectly comfortable with our bag and water bottle, nursing in the warm island air waiting out the storm. No way to reach a ride if I needed to so we waited. Sang songs, rocked and made faces while watching the clouds move through. What a fantastic morning we shared, my son and I. And it's interesting that the moments I remember so clearly I didn't capture photos of... knowing that to pause and photograph would be to step back from experiencing it. The memories are sweetest when salty air brushed you in the face and you remember questioning eyes peering into mine, wide smiles and complete trust. Oh Bahamas, I miss you too.

to usher a new year

 

Into another year, another decade.... I found a months worth of photos on the camera that I'd forgotten to put on the computer. Here are some home moments from our December to send us into another month. Tonight Mama dressed up and went out with friends for a Manitoba social in an icebox with no heat. We shivered in jackets until the alcohol warmed our blood and the dance floor kept you moving. A good group of Via and other friends, an early drive home beating the yahoos to the roads. Thanks all for a good time!