June 29, 2011

two already??

So much for having more time for myself, for life, for everything once work fully swung into place! One day I will realize that long languid days no longer exist, that pressing matters I somewhat successfully put out of mind only create more stress as they sit undone, those twinges reminding me of everything uncrossed on my neverending to-do list.

He isn't napping, today. I can hear him shuffling in the room, loud soother sucking, tossing blankets around and thumbing books. Most days naps are easy. Once we finally came back onto routine after a first hit when mom returned to the road followed by a train trip that further lost sleep routines. They came with me, both boys as mama worked a quiet takeout trip. Loads of time to snuggle and play, have my boy curious around me and an expected quiet trip where i could see them. "what a dedicated via employee, going out of her way to play with the kids" one of two incredibly goodlooking french men traveling in coach said that trip. "umm, it looks to me that they resemble each other a lot... i think that's her kid" said the other obviously more astute of the pair. I can't really see sitting with a pyjama'd blond tired mop reading bedtime stories in my takeout corner for random coach children... dedicated employee indeed.

But he shuffles today, restless and not tired/too tired. i know those days. your body needs the rest but your limbs move, you can't settle. He's been cranky, a little tired and listless but still releasing the bounds of energy his body needs to burn off. Yesterday brought the largest sustained meltdown yet and still early in the morning, well before the naptime crankiness usually begins. He cried hysterically at a friends, through the house and into the car. five minutes of sitting in the car while he bucked to avoid bring buckled throwing his strong body around. Howling continued the entire ride home, 11am down Osborne with the windows down and insistent yelps and cries from the backseat. it continued into the house only and finally subsisted as we threw him into bed with his rabbitty and baby, the familiar comforts of bed and milk too much to resist.

Today sleep doesn't come easy. I give advil knowing he's badly cutting a tooth and not feeling his best, hoping the relief will allow his body to rest. I read an extra book, tuck him in extra tight, firmly return him to his bed nine times. finally i lay down beside him, his body strumming. legs kick out arms reaching to play, to hit, to touch, he can't still himself. 'Stop' i say 'No more moving'. and 'if you want mom to lay down with you, stop moving'. i remind him a few times and finally stretch my body to contain him in every way, legs covered by mine, arms around holding hands still, elbow tucked into my side. my head rests on his to hold him still completely as he fights then gives in, drifting off to sleep nearly as soon as the body is forced to a calm state.

Today it is his birthday! Two years old, already. Already? they all say. and Doesn't the time pass so fast? Yes and yes, i have to agree with both. But today we cut his hair. Took him to a barber downtown for his first outside haircut. A bus ride and exploring downtown skywalks led us there where Wally set him on a board and worked quickly while Jude scowled. What's this business? i could see him thinking. We must have looked so happy and excited for him that he was confused. I'm supposed to like this? hmmm, don't get it. But they seem so happy! oh well, lollipops (loodlepopshhs!) and a kitty from home to snuggle under the cape kept him distracted as did the soother brought specially in case it was needed. Moms always think of this stuff and come prepared with gobs of stuff while Chris said that's why dads always seem so fun and spontaneous because they have to make stuff up on the fly. I might have to agree with that generalization...

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