leaves

This cycle of leaving and coming home again draws to a close. Maybe only one trip left, perhaps two. I am used to the ebb and flow, our family connection stretching to include my absences and delight at returning, discovering home life exactly as I left it. Well, almost exactly. Every time there are new things he learns and discovers. This time I was surprised to find him intent on putting on socks himself. Tiny fingers pulling, trying to figure out how to position his toes in the opening, acrobatic manoeuvrings.

I remember myself when I go. No more scheduling appointments, making meals and ridiculous silliness. I separate from motherness, content socializing and giddy celebration at being alone, wandering alleys bookstores parks, eyes open to beauty and people. When I am on the train, I smoke cigars and drink whiskey. I revel in an entire day open to whatever I choose. I am a traveler, a discoverer, a watchful gaze analyzing, dissecting relationships, people, nature.

What joy to return! Big grins, a soft head of busy boy hair snuggled into mom, eyes closed in happiness at the first nurse. The world drifts away and resets to how it should be. How will this change once I'm at home? I know it will settle into a rhythm, remembering how concerned I was five months ago at the opposite end of readjusting back to work. Now we return and struggle to place ourselves back into the roles we changed months ago.

I've had a lovely summer.. Watching "Rabbit Hole" premiere at the film festival, making friends with the bookstore owner addicted to purchasing, loving, surrounding himself with stacks of books. Chatting up storeowners, locals, finding delicious eateries. The times at home just as sweet.

I spent all my tips on books last trip. And recognized someone in the vast downtown of toronto (a passenger from trips ago but still. exciting familiarity). Picked up the Metropolitan Museum of Art Color Magic Sticker book for only $11. a photography book of black & white fathers with their babies. Eric Carle's 10 Little Ducks (two copies, one for Jude and one as Clark's first birthday gift). The Testament of Gideon Mack for myself. Heavy books loading down my already too large suitcase but smiles all around at opening the new books upon getting home.

Chris and I celebrated our TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY last week!!! We went out over the weekend with my cousin Tanya and her husband Colin, who we always have such fun with. Fondue at the Melting Pot, corn maze ridiculousness included Tanya sneaking us into the Haunted Forest, past paying customers patiently waiting long in line through the exit. Cheesy costumes and a large group of just-18 farm kids completed the fun. Trippyness in the black hole was the best part, the "colon" or newly dubbed "giant vagina" was silly and hardly claustrophobic at all. Capped with a dip in the hot tub and a night sans bebe. Such fun!

I only have a month left before the piano concert. Had a minor freak out upon realizing this on the train. No time, no time for anything. Too many things happening but I will move methodically through them until we emerge on the other side. All is well.