love you forever

Everyone I know knows the book Love You Forever. We've all read it as a child and it's the mandatory gift at baby showers. Luckily we only received one copy so we didn't have to run around returning multiples. Before Jude was a month old I had read it to him and sung the song:
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be

A couple trips ago I worked the diner for the first time since coming back from mat leave. The first time he entered the dining car I stopped what I was doing and watched, tears hanging back heart swelling. He was tall, fit, in his fifties. Standing behind his mother arms outstretched, supporting her as she inched her way to the table. The trip was a delight, weeks across Canada exploration time together. I can only imagine how hard every movement was, seeing many seniors struggling to get into bed, use the tiny washrooms, even just walk on a moving train heavy doors unusual movement. But she smiled every time I saw her and was the sweetest thing. And every meal he accompanied her, smiling and chatting with each person he saw, clearly enjoying her company and never showing any frustrations at the tiresome pace every single thing took.

She was ninety. Mary and Myles from Maryland (tongue twister much!). The late, accidental baby. The best one, he bragged. I asked whether they knew the book and they didn't. But I had to describe it (poorly) to explain how much my heart burst watching the two of them. What love. Over ages. He doted on her and clearly enjoyed their moments together. I can only wish for half of that relationship when my children are grown!

Last night I read Love You Forever quietly to Jude as he half listened half watched bedtime sesame street. Too long of a book at this age for him to sit through. But the lull of my voice in his ear, the gentle images and cuddles we can take. How different my life was before he came. How much quieter and lazier and sometimes boring. Now, it's never boring, always busy always too much. But cuddles. A head turned for an open kiss. Copy cat sounds. Naked bum shaking in the living room. My heart bursts with love. Amazing how love can only build until you feel you can't take anymore and somehow the heart makes room for more.