when does it stop?

The merry go round broke down...

Well, I'm not really broken yet, more cracked and fighting to keep momentum. This time of year has always been difficult for me. I lose patience with family drama and yearn to retreat into myself. Lacking energy to deal with other people and their issues. Working hard to fulfill my own goals and feeling critical of everything. I mean it, everything. It's a time where I feel listless. Although I'm moving just as quickly to finish everything on my plate, that excitement and appeal isn't there. A few months to just plod along until things pick up.

Sorry to be returning to blogland with yet another lament as to how thin I feel stretched and how I continue to pile more on my already overwhelmed plate. Let's bake all the desserts for my piano concert? Sure! Photo shoot this week? Why not! Handywoman assistant to my 8months pregnant, hard core nesting friend? What kind of friend would I be?

Chris and I have been having a lot of great conversations lately. Today we talked about the requirements of being a good friend. When a friend is in need, it usually doesn't happen at a convenient or easy time. And although you can always refuse, a good friend shows up to lend a hand, comes over with soup when you're sick, knows that silence isn't a bad thing. But being a good friend really boils down to showing up. I know I want to teach Jude that it's important to do for others but also how to be a supportive, caring long time friend. I've always thought I treat my friends the way I would like to be treated. If it comes back great! I have received so much love and support over the years...

Things here are wild as usual. Layoff has happened, I'm done for the winter and hurriedly rushing through my to do list. One week til the concert and much practicing has to happen, desserts are partially completed but still lots of planning and setup to complete. It WILL be fun, I keep reminding myself. But for sure I am totally stressed and nervous about screwing up, being stressed the entire evening and not enjoying myself, etc... I wish all the preparations were done and we were just there already! Before I know it....

Haven't had time at all to work on my winter photography project but that should start ramping up soon. After Brent moved out, we've been hurriedly painting trim and cleaning up the upstairs so we can take over the space. I, of course, want this done as quickly as possible so I can have more space for Jude to run around and craft in, not to mention putting up the christmas tree. And I have a birthday coming up in two weeks and nothing to do! Ideas?

Every. single. year. at this time I decided that I don't want to be here for Christmas, the running around and stress not outweighed by my love of carols and hot chocolate and toboganning. Every. Single. Year. I decide that one year, we'll run away to Jamaica for two weeks and spend the holiday listen to island Christmas carols sipping boozy drinks enjoying the sunshine and ignoring the mess at home. I know, I love christmas but the excess and busyness and my frustration with people always overtake the things I love.

Alright, enough depressing musings for one night. On to the next writing exercise