genius, i know

So it's not as though I already have way too many things crowding my plate... So much so that after emerging on the other side of the worst sickness you could possibly imagine, which robbed us of nearly an entire month, I recently had the genius idea to forget about Christmas this year. Oh, we'll go to the planned family get-togethers Christmas Eve and Day. But otherwise, the baking and music and gingerbread competition and all the stuff I love about the holiday, giving cards and gifts, sharing drinks, laughs with friends, even shopping for the right gifts and celebrating people.... I was feeling stressed knowing there was no way to do everything. Christmas rushed up on us this year and we really missed most of it. The solution? we celebrate Ukrainian Christmas this year instead. It'll give us a chance to check out related events and celebrate the holiday, time to get everything ready, immersion into another culture... Already looking forward to finding recipes, crafts and events to make our week celebration complete!

So everything has been pushed back. Not to mention I may take a trip on the rails for the extra cash if they call... makes everything quite busy. Busy is good though. Busy keeps moving, busy changes scenery, busy helps.

I've been thinking about why it's so hard to accept help. It relates to what the circumstances are. When Jude was born or when he was hospitalized, I recognized we needed help and had no problem receiving it, even asking feeling completely justified, a situation all could see required extra hands and hearts. But there seems some shame involved in getting help when you feel overwhelmed and can't pin the problem. Lack of understanding, lack of logical reason to back up your inabilities... And the funny thing is that I have no problem offering and giving every support to my loves when they need it. Nor do I judge them for it. But something about getting hands committed to us during regular times, when it just feels like too much on the plate. I felt really touched by the number of people who truly offered help and love when I posted yesterday I was sick of being a mother. Understandings of exactly how normal those feelings are and that I don't love my son any less... the trials of this month too much without a break.

A final disappointment was the cancellation (ok, postponement! but it felt as bad) of our girls spa night at the Fort Garry with my mom and sisters. Didn't want to risk getting the sisters sick and had to cancel with 48hours... I cried through disappointment. But I cut my hair again, and got my nails done with my gorgeous sister Mimi during a night off courtesy of my amazing friend April, and chatted with Celindy and Jason and Alex while watching Corydon traffic meander by their sunroom cuddled under blankets open windows, and joined throngs of not often Osborne shoppers on a Christmas Saturday, and have plans to see Black Swan with Nicole hopefully this week. Oh pack my plate full of people and experiences that make me smile!

Pick your feet up and move another day. Stop. Look up. Look people in the eye. Smile even though they look away (i always wondered why, although i do both ends). Also why do people not want to talk to you in line? In other cities people are starved for contact. Here we huddle in our established groups too comfortable to reach out and be hungry. Be hungry.

These pictures are from 2009 taken by our talented friend, photographer and jewelery designer Christel Lanthier.