Let me tell you about how you came into this world, i said today. Last year on this day, you were still in my belly growing big and strong. It was just another regular day although we knew you might join us at any moment. I spent the afternoon at a wedding shower for my cousin Laura and everyone kept commenting about the baby still hanging out in my belly. You see I was five days past my due date and everyone was anxious to meet you. I knew you would come when you were good and ready. My mom, your grandma, had four pregnancies and five children and went a week past her due date with every one! Even when she was carrying twins!
I was so ready to meet you but still nervous about the labour. What would it feel like? I couldn't imagine something that had no relation to anything I had ever done before. So we waited, knowing that soon enough the time would be on us.
I remember coming home that day and taking a nap on the couch for two hours. Something told me "just in case" the baby comes tonight I had better be rested. The night before I had felt contractions for an hour in the evening and then they stopped. So I told your papa maybe tomorrow we would have a baby. Your Aunty Mimi also told me she thought you would come out that night. The rest of the night was uneventful, relaxing and reading. At 11pm I started having contractions again. Tightening and releasing, tightening and releasing... I thought this might be it but decided to wait an hour before calling Kat in case they stopped again.
It was only 45 minutes later that I knew this would not stop and we needed to call Kat NOW! Chris got her on the phone and she packed up and started driving from Dauphin immediately. Then he rested on the couch for a couple hours while Mama worked hard to help you come out. We laid in the bath, resting on the purple ball and breathing hard through each contraction. I was happy it was dark and quiet outside and I remember dreading the sunrise when the world would wake up and intrude upon my quiet cocoon.
Kat arrived around 4am just around when your Dad came in to help out. Everything was calm and quiet in the bathroom and she drifted in quietly, not to disturb the space around me. I tried to eat some cantaloupe that papa cut up for me but I couldn't manage it. My contractions were so hard in my lower back and for hours I needed someone to push HARD on my back every time a contraction came over me. All my worries about sunshine didn't matter since by the time the sun started rising I was too involved in my work to notice.
At 10:30, my water broke in the tub. After a bit I got up to try and move around (not good!) or lay down (also not good!) so I finally ended up in the living room on all fours. I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed for so long I thought you would never come out. Papa supported me while I stood and pushed and held me while I knelt and pushed. I was sure you would never come out and I would push forever. And then, in one moment, your head was out! It was such a relief and I remember saying "what do I do now???" and we waited for the next contraction to come. Minutes later you were out and I was holding you in my arms, purple and slippery and new, looking up into my face with those dark eyes. You latched on right away and began nursing while Kat checked you over and marked your Apgar score. You were beautiful and incredible.
As much as I wanted to cuddle you to bits, mama still had some work to do so after a while papa held you while I worked to get the placenta out. With each (mild) contraction Kat would urge me to push and I would bear down with no success. I was hardly feeling any contractions but was hemorrhaging since the placenta had not come out. You were so quiet cuddled with your papa. We tried this for quite a while until finally we decided to go to the hospital. I was sad since I had tried to avoid going in but I knew the hardest part was over and we had birthed you at home ourselves! So we called an ambulance to come get me as I had lost a fair bit of blood.
Soon the ambulance arrived and many, many young attendants and firefighters piled into our living room. They checked me out and loaded me onto a stretcher. I chose to leave you at home with Kat since I was worried about what would happen to you in the nursery without mama or papa watching over you - and also in the ambulance ride without a car seat! silly mama, already worrying about you. Papa came along to fill out the paperwork and Mama was whisked into a delivery room where the doctors gave me laughing gas and manually removed the placenta that had not detached.
Soon afterwards, Kat and Grandma brought you to the hospital. Your clothes were all too big and you were wearing so many layers even though it was summer! Grandma had bathed you gently and cuddled you while I couldn't. Soon you were nursing again and being checked over by the hospital staff. We had to stay two days in the hospital since I had lost a lot of blood and they needed to make sure I had my strength up. That was very hard on your papa since he couldn't stay overnight in the hospital. He drove back and forth, visiting, bringing me things from home since I had no clothes, shoes, toiletries or anything. You stayed with me all the time, sleeping sneakily in my bed since I couldn't stand to have you sleeping in the bassinet. We had lots of family visitors those first few days. Grandma and Grandpa cried when they held you. Soon we were pushing to go home - I was in a room with three other mamas because papa had forgotten we had medical coverage for a semi-private room. One baby cried and cried all night and I knew we would get more rest at home. So finally they allowed us to go home. And then, on Canada Day July 1st, 2009, we brought you home.
Tomorrow is your birthday. You're already one year old! What a journey this past year has been. I can't wait to know you even more and watch you grow into a boy and a man. I love you more than anything sweetness. Happy birthday!
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