the lows...

How can one day be so high and the next such an awful day? I felt out of sorts all day yesterday and on top of that seem to finally be catching the colds I've (somewhat) avoided until now. Dommage because Jude's cold is finally abating. I know this because yesterday I only wiped his nose periodically instead of the ten thousand times daily we've been running at. Should I stop kissing him now that I'm sick? Is it likely the same strain which he's probably immune to or are we going to have a month of sickness in this household. And we leave for f'n Halifax in just over a week. The PLAN was to be done with colds since both Chris and Jude were sick and I definitely did not want to fly with a sick baby who's ears might kill him the entire time! And I leave for Toronto tomorrow night. And I only have three days at home before leaving for Halifax. And I need to pack everything. So much to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even going to yoga didn't snap me out of my funk. Usually I feel great after yoga and a slow, early morning Sunday class with only three others should have left me stretched, relaxed and happy. Instead I returned to a baby who refused to nap for an hour and twenty minutes, when we were trying to get him down early so we could go to a friend's first birthday party. Instead he fell asleep 40 minutes before the party started. An attempt at waking (which I usually would never consider) was fruitless anyhow and we decided to let him sleep. Missed the party. I grumped around angry and frustrated - at Jude, at Chris, at life. Did my day get better from here?

A BIRD DIED IN MY FUCKING HANDS!!!!!!!!!! How's that for a terrible day? Just like the day before around 4pm a bird flew into our window - I heard it and ran outside to see if we could rescue it. There isn't much we can do, it seems the sun hits the window a certain way at that time of day. Unlike yesterday where we took cute pictures and the bird flew away, this one was not doing well. I held him as he gasped for breath and kept him warm. Then he died. And we buried him. Poor guy.

Then came playing in the yard and dinner, playing in the living room. I was exhausted and sore and just wanted to go to bed. But I had made plans for Marie-Lynn to come over and help me make the invitations for my piano concert. We had been trying for weeks to find a time that worked for us both but this was the deadline - I needed to get the invitations made and sent before I leave town tuesday night. So as much as I was tired I knew I had to push through it and just do it. I put Jude down for another difficult bedtime and came out at 8:30. I worked for two and a half hours and have a total completed count of 11 invites. We need 18. So I still have another couple hours to put in tonight. While Mimi stayed for one hour, completed three invites and left because the boyfriend made plans for them to see a movie. I have to say, I tried really hard not to be ticked off but I failed. I was pretty mad last night. Why? Because I waited for weeks to do this because I knew it would be a big job and when I asked Mims for her help she seemed happy to help. Three invitations out of twenty was not the help I was expecting. I could have started these any other night but I didn't because I thought we were doing it together. I want to say here that Mimi does do a heck of a lot for us. She's our go-to babysitter who comes over often to help out and watch Jude, she's a super great auntie and a great friend too. Last night was not a great night, however. When your boyfriend makes last minute plans (literally, an hour before she was to come over and help) and you already have someone counting on you , TELL HIM YOU CAN'T GO! It's not that difficult.

I have to tell you, yesterday, the entire day, was a shit day. I had to get this out upon waking this morning otherwise I'll carry it around all day. I sure hope today is better.